I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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