i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
