if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
