Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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