I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
