First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
