Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
