I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
