I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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