I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
