i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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