So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
