once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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