guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
