and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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