508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
