I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize