May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
