I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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