Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
