I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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