if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
