Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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