After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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