I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
