Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think my vagina is haunted
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
