I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
