why didn't you poke me back
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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