I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
