You can't special order awesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
