I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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