What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
