38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
