Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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