Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
