look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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