thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
