I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
