matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
