Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
