So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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