I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
