If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
