Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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