perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
