why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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