Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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