One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
