You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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