mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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