just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
