I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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