My friends, they love my intelligence
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize