ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
