Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
