i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
