I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
