Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you didnt know i had herpes?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
