Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
