im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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