JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
