Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
