You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
