I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
