What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
