What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
