My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize