I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My vagina just recognized that song.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
