Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
