oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
