You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
