I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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