Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
