Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
