Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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