I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
