I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize