Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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