and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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