i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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