Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
