i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
