And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
