i may or may not be watching the land before time
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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