we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
