dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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