oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
