my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We have started to decorate penises.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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