you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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